What?!
So after reading through my very small log of old posts I realized a couple things. 1. That I rarely use tumlr, and 2. that after quite some time I am still asking the same questions about life. Let me start out though with a brite spot. I love Colorado! This place is amazing and every week or weekend is a chance to see something new or revisit the old amazing places you’ve already been to. I went caving last weekend, the 14th of March. I was sweet, we snowshoed in about 3 miles to the entrance to a cave. Ha the entry door been ornate it would’ve rivaled the entrance to a Hobit household. Instead it was a circular piece of wood that covered up the culvert and ladder that we would be wriggling down to get the depths the earth we would be exploring that day. The best part about it was that I hadn’t been inside a cave for quite some time. I used to lead groups of kid into caves when I worked for Kanakuk. Exploring a cave is one of the most unique experiences because you can’t get a grasp on what’s in there until you go ad do it. You can’t drive by and picture it, you can’t realy tell from photographs just how awesome it is and you can’t find any other pace in the world that is that dark(literally the absence of light) and that quiet. That is just one of the many adventures that you can find out here I’m sure there are other places filled with adventure as well, but this is the place I call home. On to the gloom and doom. I feel very alone here. Maybe I should just say I feel very alone. Not physically because I am surrounded by great people most of the day. I have had the privelage to lead 5 or 6 college students in a weekly bible study and I have some really great friends and an awesome roommate. However there is a longing within me that I can’t really explain. Some say that I need to get married. While yes someday I would like to be married I have some very large doubts that it is the root of this lonliness. I have struggled more over the past two years with depression that I think I ever have in my life. Enough so that I am concidering seeing a counselor about it. And even after puting alot of work into starting up Rugged Ministries I am still not sure that that is where God wants me, or maybe its not where I think I want to be. Either way there are some pretty large doubts looming over my head. So what do you do in these times? The struggle is whether to quit Rugged all together or quit my other job and jump more seriously into raising support. Support raising is a very scary wor to me. Not simply because it’s hard but because I feel you really have to be sold out on what you are doing to be able to really puthe effort in that it needs. So then that becomes my question…how sold out am I…?
